Living Paradoxically

"Here's the thing: I'm friends with George Bush.  In fact, I'm friends with a lot of people who don't share the same beliefs that I have.  We're all different and I think that we've forgotten that we're all different.

But because I don't agree with someone on everything doesn't mean I'm not gonna be friends with them.  When I say be kind to one another, I don't mean only the people that think the same way you do.  I mean be kind to everyone.  It doesn't matter."

Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen found herself in a little bit of a Twitter controversy over the weekend, following pictures of her at the Dallas Cowboys game on Sunday seated next to President George W. Bush.  Ellen responded today on her show with the statement above, outlining a very straightforward principle:  the idea that we can disagree with other people, even on fundamental issues, but still be civil and friendly.

This is certainly an idea that I've championed in the past.  We all need to broaden our friendship circles.   We as a society cannot survive if we keep segregating ourselves and circling the wagons, surrounding ourselves with only like minded people.  It's bad enough media is doing it for us.  News media is presenting us with only one opinion, generally confirming our existing biases.  Social media does the same, bringing only certain stories to our attention.

If we are not in the business of regularly interacting with people that we disagree with, that challenge us, that push us out of our comfort zone, we will continue to exist in wind tunnels, amplifying our worst impulses.

How can we ever grow, how can we ever change, if we do not have any voices in our lives that push us to do so?

So, I'll repeat my urging from the 2016 election - if you do not have people in your friend circle that are not the same political allegiance as you, you need a bigger friend circle.  If you do not have people in your friend circle that are not the same religion as you, you need a bigger friend circle.  If you do not have people in your friend circle that are not the same race as you, you need a bigger friend circle.  The same for sexual orientation, gender, nationality, creed.

Generally, we all need a bigger friend circle.  A bigger neighborhood.

That does not mean the controversy did not have merit.

To many, W. represents the epitome of the opposition to Ellen's very existence, particularly focusing on his strategy in the 2004 re-election campaign to put anti-gay marriage Constitutional Amendments in as many states as possible.  It's a distinction between Ellen being friends with someone who merely disagreed with her and one who actively made her life more difficult.  It's the level of "disagreement" that is the issue.

There's also the issue of the symbolism.  Is Ellen supposed to represent the whole LGBT community and somehow absolve Bush for the anti-gay marriage stance and Amendments?  Does it make it better?   Likewise, why does it fall to someone like Ellen to be the one to rise above?  Why does the member of the minority need to be the one to rise above instead of the majority?

The same arguments were made with Brandt Jean and his offer of forgiveness to Amber Guyger.  While it is the most noble and most divine gesture, why does it continually fall to the minority to forgive and not the majority?

These aren't easy situations.  When do the needs of the group outweigh the needs of the individual?  Especially when they implicate such important truths?  Shouldn't the individual character control?

Ultimately, I feel most of the issue lies in the over publicity of such things.  Brandt Jean's apology would never have caused any controversy were it made in private.   Had the camera's not been in the courtroom.  There it would be what it was, the private outcrying of the soul.

Likewise, Ellen's fellowship with Bush during the Cowboys game would be what it was, a private friendship between a President who prides himself on his congeniality and a person who is most openly kind.

And when you think about it, wouldn't the world be a better place if those were more regular occurrences?

Forgiveness

Yesterday, we witnessed one of the greatest acts of forgiveness in recent history, from the heart of an eighteen year old.

After the sentencing of Amber Guyger, Botham Jean's brother Brandt asked to make a victim impact statement.  Brandt used his statement to forgive Guyger, to plead her to go to God, to say he loves her as any person, and to ask to give her a hug.

In the midst of tragedy, in the midst of the horror, there God is.  For that kind of forgiveness does not come from man.  Our human frailties may lead us to error, but the ability to forgive it is divine.  It is the highest form of our faith.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Ephesians 4:31-32

We forgive because we are forgiven.  We forgive only because he enables us to do so.  I cannot imagine being in that position.  I would like to believe that I would be able to rise to that level.  But I know, I would likely be consumed with vengeance.  I think I would want to be sitting at that prosecution table, looking to pile on the charges with what evidence I could dig up.

But that eighteen year old spoke with wisdom beyond his years.  He acted with more faith than most people that have sit in pews all their lives.

And the impact of his actions reached far beyond what he could have even anticipated.

Following Jean's hug, Judge Tammy Kemp stepped off her bench and walked over to Guyger at the defense table.

"You understand?" she asked.

The judge then went back to her bench and grabbed her bible.

“You can have mine. I have three or four at home. This is your job.” The judge opened the Bible and began to discuss John 3:16, indicating that this would strengthen Guyger. “You just need a tiny mustard seed of faith. You start with this.”

Guyger then embraced the judge, who hugged her back. Guyger whispered something to the judge.

“Ma’am,” the judge replied, “it’s not because I’m good. It’s because I believe in Christ. You haven’t done so much that you can’t be forgiven. You did something bad at one moment in time. What you do now matters.”

There's a lot of people that need to hear that.  There's a lot of people that need to know, that need to believe that they have not done so much that they cannot be forgiven.

Forgiveness is out there.  Mercy, grace, and love are out there.

It starts with us.  It starts with us being able to step out in faith and in forgiveness.  To forgive as we have been forgiven.

To love as He loved us.

It's what we've commanded to do.

Can you imagine what the world would look like if we did?  That's the world I want to live in.

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Matthew 6:14-15