Sunday, February 16, 2020

Jamie's Perspective - Part 1: My Life is a Puzzle

Y'all get a lot from me, so I thought you might appreciate Jamie's perspective on this period and the move.  Here's her part one:

"'This piece goes right there,' I hear Jude say several times throughout his puzzle making. This little dude loves his puzzles. He also doesn’t take too kindly to people putting a piece in the wrong place. He’s not rude, he just knows where they go. I can’t help but think about life in that way. It’s one gigantic puzzle and we don’t know how it’s supposed to look. We keep trying to jam the pieces to fit together the way we want them to, to make us more comfortable, to keep us close to family, to keep us safe from physical and emotional pain but there are some pieces that will bring these in our lives.

Before every school year I would do the Daniel fast to pray for the year ahead with my students, for the upcoming journey we’d take through the shows but this time it was a little different. This time I began to pray for Mitch. His job had become unbearable and it was affecting him in a way that was detrimental to his health and well being. To anyone who doesn’t know Mitch is about as loyal as they come. He stuck with this company in the hopes that changes would be made. I began to pray he’d look for a new job, one that he was excited about, passionate about. I wanted him to feel what I feel about my students, about the shows we get to perform and the family we become. As the prayers became more frequent and furious a change did occur, just not in the way I was hoping for or would have ever counted on. I began my journey into a dark place. The joy I once had in teaching was quickly fading. I was shot into depression. I didn’t want to get up in the mornings. I didn’t want to teach. I didn’t look forward to the musical. I didn’t want to be there. We as teachers all have moments when we want to give up, when things get tough but this was different. This hit me like a bolt of lighting. There was no external factor propelling me to feel this way. I loved my students. I had a supportive administration. There wasn’t anything I could point to to say this is why I feel the way I do. I got to a place where I knew this would be my last year to teach in Wills Point and I got mad.

'What the crap? I’m praying for Mitch’s job. His is the one that sucks. I’m trying to make a difference in kids lives. God, what are you doing to me?' I wrestled with this decision for months but the moment I surrendered to the fact this would be my last year here I had peace for the first time in months. Not only did I have peace but I also had excitement for the show that was approved for competition, for coming to my classes, for the privilege of just being alive. What started as the worst school year in the 11 years of my teaching was transformed into one of my favorites. Second semester pulled a 180. I was extremely proud of our OAP. I met such amazing parents who worked their butts off for the show. We took a journey that few ever take. The year ended with bittersweet goodbyes.

I didn’t know it at the time but God was orchestrating the ability for me to stay home with my kids. To invest in them. To start our homeschooling journey. I would’ve never thought this is where my story would lead. I don’t know if my public school teaching days are over. I don’t know how long our homeschool journey will last. All I know is I’ve got to be thankful for each season as it comes. There’s a great adventure out there and it’s only just beginning.

'This piece goes right here.'"

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