I am very grateful for the great example that I have in a father. On this day we set aside to remember, the most important thing I can say is thank you. Love you Dad! And Avalyn and Jude Love their PapaRock! We look forward to seeing you in a few days.
A writing exercise of assorted thoughts, musings, rants, and raves on assorted and sundry topics.
Sunday, June 20, 2021
Happy Father's Day 2021!
I am very grateful for the great example that I have in a father. On this day we set aside to remember, the most important thing I can say is thank you. Love you Dad! And Avalyn and Jude Love their PapaRock! We look forward to seeing you in a few days.
Saturday, June 19, 2021
Juneteenth 2021
"The people of Texas are informed that, in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States, 'all slaves are free.'"
"January 1, 1863
A Transcription
By the President of the United States of America:
A Proclamation.
Whereas, on the twenty-second day of September, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-two, a proclamation was issued by the President of the United States, containing, among other things, the following, to wit:
"That on the first day of January, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, all persons held as slaves within any State or designated part of a State, the people whereof shall then be in rebellion against the United States, shall be then, thenceforward, and forever free; and the Executive Government of the United States, including the military and naval authority thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of such persons, and will do no act or acts to repress such persons, or any of them, in any efforts they may make for their actual freedom.
"That the Executive will, on the first day of January aforesaid, by proclamation, designate the States and parts of States, if any, in which the people thereof, respectively, shall then be in rebellion against the United States; and the fact that any State, or the people thereof, shall on that day be, in good faith, represented in the Congress of the United States by members chosen thereto at elections wherein a majority of the qualified voters of such State shall have participated, shall, in the absence of strong countervailing testimony, be deemed conclusive evidence that such State, and the people thereof, are not then in rebellion against the United States."
Now, therefore I, Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States, by virtue of the power in me vested as Commander-in-Chief, of the Army and Navy of the United States in time of actual armed rebellion against the authority and government of the United States, and as a fit and necessary war measure for suppressing said rebellion, do, on this first day of January, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and in accordance with my purpose so to do publicly proclaimed for the full period of one hundred days, from the day first above mentioned, order and designate as the States and parts of States wherein the people thereof respectively, are this day in rebellion against the United States, the following, to wit:
Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana, (except the Parishes of St. Bernard, Plaquemines, Jefferson, St. John, St. Charles, St. James Ascension, Assumption, Terrebonne, Lafourche, St. Mary, St. Martin, and Orleans, including the City of New Orleans) Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, and Virginia, (except the forty-eight counties designated as West Virginia, and also the counties of Berkley, Accomac, Northampton, Elizabeth City, York, Princess Ann, and Norfolk, including the cities of Norfolk and Portsmouth[)], and which excepted parts, are for the present, left precisely as if this proclamation were not issued.
And by virtue of the power, and for the purpose aforesaid, I do order and declare that all persons held as slaves within said designated States, and parts of States, are, and henceforward shall be free; and that the Executive government of the United States, including the military and naval authorities thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of said persons.
And I hereby enjoin upon the people so declared to be free to abstain from all violence, unless in necessary self-defence; and I recommend to them that, in all cases when allowed, they labor faithfully for reasonable wages.
And I further declare and make known, that such persons of suitable condition, will be received into the armed service of the United States to garrison forts, positions, stations, and other places, and to man vessels of all sorts in said service.
And upon this act, sincerely believed to be an act of justice, warranted by the Constitution, upon military necessity, I invoke the considerate judgment of mankind, and the gracious favor of Almighty God.
In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed.
Done at the City of Washington, this first day of January, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty three, and of the Independence of the United States of America the eighty-seventh.
By the President: ABRAHAM LINCOLN
WILLIAM H. SEWARD, Secretary of State."
Monday, June 14, 2021
The First Dozen
We’ve been talking a lot about how time is relative and I know that is true because these first dozen years have felt simultaneously like they have occurred over a number less than half that and as if this has been the way things always were and were always meant to be. This is what my life was meant for.
Friday, June 11, 2021
7
i will tell you, my daughter
of your worth
not your beauty
everyday. (your beauty is a given, every being is born
beautiful)
knowing your worth
can save your life.
raising you on beauty alone
you will be starved.
you will be raw.
you will be weak.
an easy stomach.
always in need of someone telling you how beautiful you
are.
I pray you always know how much you mean to us. I pray you always know your worth, deep down in your soul. I pray you also know your beauty, for it is a given.
Monday, June 7, 2021
The Panic Attack
This is the story I promised I would tell. It took providing the backstory with Our Adoption Story and The Michigan Trip to provide context as to why this induced a panic attack and why we made that trip more stressful on ourselves than it should have been, even beyond the stress this incident caused.
By way of context, the Michigan trip was something we planned for early April, to be a fun weekend getaway for the four of us. Our first trip as just a family of four and a fun venture to see another state. Jamie and Avalyn had gotten to make a quick jaunt into Michigan for a meal on a girls' trip, but this would allow us to see state together. It was supposed to be a trip to Fort Wayne, where we would further explore our new home state, but our reason for going to Fort Wayne was the zoo. We of course found out it would be closed when we planned to visit. With that not an option, we changed our plans to Saugatuck and Holland, Michigan.
It is important to note that this trip came shortly after spring break, where we had spent two weeks in Texas with family. During that trip, we spent a little more on restaurants and eating out that we had planned to, and thought that since this would be such a short trip, we would pack meals to number one, eat healthier, and number two, use our restaurant fund for fun snacks. Jamie had that Friday before we left pretty wide open, beyond a bible study that morning, so she was planning to prepare and pack the cooler that day, ready for us to leave when Avalyn got out of school.
At this point in our adoption process, we had completed two of the three required homestudy sessions, still had several hours of education remaining to be completed, and had recently learned there were a few key pieces of paperwork not yet filed.
So when Jamie got a text from our adoption specialist during her morning bible study that Friday morning, asking her to call her, she thought it was related to one of these areas.
Instead, the adoption specialist let Jamie know that there was a birth mother that was going to give birth in two weeks who was questioning her decision and wanted to look at more profile books. Our adoption specialist didn't have more completed profile books, but knew of a few families like us who were near completion of the process and wanted to ask us if we wanted to be submitted as a potential family for adoption. Blitzing through the remaining steps for a meeting and ultimate adoption should we be chosen.
To top it off, they needed an answer as quickly as possible. At the longest, by the next morning.
When Jamie came upstairs to tell me, that's when the panic attack set in. I know Jamie tells me that she broke down a few times that day, but it wasn't something I saw. She broke down in calls she made for prayer over the issue.
I, on the other hand, starting visibly shaking and couldn't come down for nearly two hours after that point. I've had anxiety attacks before, but those are slow builds of stress and pressure over several days or weeks that release in pain and discomfort. This was an instant onset of that.
My mind kept racing because it felt like everything was moving so fast. I saw the first step as Jamie and I discussing whether or not we would be allowing our name to be submitted. Jamie, by necessity, was starting to work through setting up the things that would be needed if we proceeded. Each mention of the next piece being set up sent me further into the attack.
It felt like we were skipping a lot of required development just to get a result. Skipping a lot of essential education that would be of the utmost importance. In addition, we had virtually nothing for a baby, and would had a few thousand dollars left to save to have the whole process covered. That would all be necessary in a couple of weeks.
Needless to say, the rest of that day was filled with discussion, and questioning, and asking for prayer requests which turned into a supply drive. The bible study group Jamie was on that morning knew something was up with the adoption process, so when Jamie filled them in on what happened, they got to work collecting a lot for us already.
The drive to Michigan was nearly completely all about Jamie and I trying to figure out whether or not we should move forward with this. We kept getting calls from our adoption specialist, giving us more information on the birth mother and child, but that really had no bearing on our decision. The question that kept gnawing at us was one of timing.
Was this the right time to move forward, or was there more we needed to complete for it to be right?
I think there is a fallacy in Christian circles to assume when things fall into place like this, it is automatically the work of God. That every easy path is the answer to the prayers that have led up to this point. While it can be, that is not always the case.
The problem that Jamie and I found is that neither of us could have any joy about this particular situation. Just terror. We know this kind of quick turnaround is completely possible once we go live, and we know our reaction will be completely different from what it was then. At this particular time and in this particular situation, we felt that we still had much more growing and learning to do to be ready.
We decided we were saying no after waking up in the early, early hours Saturday morning. We then called our adoption specialist at 9:00 am that morning and told her.
That weight had been lifted.
This didn't mean we didn't feel the effects of this stress for a while. I felt the physical effects for several days after that Friday, into the next week. It felt as if I had undergone heavy physical exertion, in addition to ramping up my reflux for that week. It took a while just to mentally come down from the stress, so we were definitely on edge for the trip.
And here's how we made it harder on ourselves. Remember the plan to pack food for meals. Well given the craziness of Friday, the careful planning and packing of the ice chest went out the window. We had supplies but they were more thrown together in there.
Instead of giving ourselves grace and a break, we forged on to continue the plan. Looking back, we know we should have just forgone the attempt to pack the food and just let ourselves enjoy the break and the opportunity. Bringing the food made us try to keep Avalyn and Jude to it, and of course they didn't want it, so that added to our stress.
It's something we can look back on now and laugh a bit. Lessons learned. And if nothing else, we saw that God can move in a powerful way. We know we're in the right location because of the outpouring of support we saw should we decide to go forward.
We know when it is our time, we'll be ready.
Sunday, June 6, 2021
The Travelers' Report 21: Saugatuck and Holland, Michigan
We chose Michigan because it is the neighboring state that we have not visited and it's just a couple of hours away. Saugatuck had a cool looking motel that had been converted and upgraded into a neat almost Airbnb alternative (less housekeeping, focus on personal access, etc.). And it was close enough for us to go into Holland, Michigan to go see the tulips.
We were a couple of weeks too early to see all of the tulips, as not all of them had fully bloomed. They had started, though, and we still had a wonderful trip. We realized that this was our first vacation for just the four of us as a family. Our other trips have been to go visit family or have been a vacation with family, but not just the four of us. So this will always have a special place.
It was stressful (more on that tomorrow) and we made it a bit more stressful on ourselves, especially given the events of the weekend, but it was a good trip all in all. We definitely look forward to going back up into Holland in the coming years to really see the tulips in bloom.
Our motel room. A cool funky place. |
Our main attraction - the Holland Windmills. This was a very cool stop and the kids got fun pictures in the tulips that had bloomed. |
Holland also had a neat Wizard of Oz walk at the library, complete with a yellow brick road at the nearby park. |
Our other stop was at the beach for Lake Michigan. Cold, but fun. And we discovered that Jude has an obsession with sand. |
My selfie with the lighthouse in Holland. |
Why we have to go back - the Root Beer Barrel. Just a block off the main road with a stand serving homemade root beer. So cool. |
Saturday, June 5, 2021
To the Graduating Class of 2021
In Brownsburg, tonight represented the end of the school year. The last day of class was a week ago. Tonight is graduation. My thoughts go to the wisdom that many will try to impart through commencement speeches, while the newly free minds will be focused on one thing and one thing only: walking across that stage so that everything is finally finished.
Like last year, I know of no reason why I would ever be asked to give a commencement speech, but were such an occasion ever to present itself, this is what I was say. (I should note that, again, the speech itself probably gives good reason why I'll never be asked to do so.)
Though I realize it was [mumbled under breath] years ago when I was in your position, that time seems to have flown by. From my graduation night, I've forgotten a lot of things. I can't remember the speaker that was present. I can't remember what was going through my head at the time. I can't even remember the speech I gave. It's lost in a fog of memories. I do remember being ready to move quickly through the ceremony. To get to the party at home, to get to Project Graduation. To get on with this new beginning. In that spirit, I will try to keep these comments brief, and hopefully a little entertaining, so that we can get to the part of the ceremony that everyone is truly here for.
- The need for better healthcare for all of us, healthcare that does not disproportionately affect specific communities.
- The need for better access to voting. It shouldn't take a pandemic for us to plan for more accessible ways to vote than standing in lines.
- The need to value our vote. It's under attack and we should be all interested in protecting our voice.
- The need for broadband internet as a public utility, accessible by all. Education success should not depend on your ability to find and pay for high-speed internet.
- The need for better education funding and solutions.
- The need for a living minimum wage. Our lowest paid workers were essential in this crisis. Many of our highest paid were not. Think on that.
- The recognition of the impact we can have on our planet. Look how quickly the planet started to heal itself when we were slowed down.
- The need to address our racial bias. To address the sin that we have ignored for so long in this country. The need to heal the wounds of slavery once and for all.
- We've seen the importance of science. Though we have many that are doubting science and many that have tried to sow that doubt for political and financial power, we have also seen the power that science brings. The amazing development of this vaccine, built on the back of years of research into this type of vaccine.
- We've seen the importance of art. We like to downplay the arts, particularly when artists speak up and out, but we all made it through this past year and a half thanks to good art. Television, movies, music. That is what make quarantine bearable.
- We've seen the importance of history. Of truly knowing history, especially the parts that we do not like to talk about. The parts we have forgotten, or were never taught. We've seen how that impacts our present.
- We've seen the importance of civics. The importance of raising our voice, of voting, and making an impact. Of owning up to our history and implementing change to make it right.
Tuesday, June 1, 2021
Our Adoption Story
As mentioned before, I realized this was a part of our lives for the past several months that I had not shared. So, I wanted to take a blog to kind of catch up and describe our path to adoption and where we are in that process.
We always knew that adoption would be part of our story at some point. Jamie and I had discussed it when we had started dating. It was something mentioned as on Jamie's heart from an early point in her life, and something we recognized as going to be a part of our family.
And this sounds a bit weird to say, but we knew it would be a part of our story because we could. Though miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy were part of our family path, we weren't motivated to pursue this because of infertility. We weren't motivated because of adoption in our family history. Rather, we were motivated because it was something we recognized that we could do. That we could help take care of widows and orphans as we are called to. And that we were in a privileged place to be able to afford the adoption process and to be able to have more children in our home.
While we knew we would adopt at some point, the timing was always the question. After the ectopic pregnancy was so scary, and after Jude was born healthy, we knew that we were done trying for more biological children. It was too much of a risk.
Then as our lives went through the upheaval of the job loss, the move, and all that 2019 brought, we began to know that wherever we ended up for my new job, that would be where the rest of our family was. We knew that after the move, adoption would be the next big change in our life.
Shortly after we moved, we began investigating adoption in Indiana. At the start, we weren't sure exactly what path for adoption we would take. We knew other families in Texas that had gone through the adoption process, some that had gone through foreign adoption and some through a foster to adopt process. As we started our investigation, we learned that most Christian adoption agencies were no longer doing foreign adoptions, and are instead focusing their efforts on local adoptions within each country. Similarly, we learned that Indiana has different laws regarding foster care that make foster to adopt a harder and much, much longer process.
That lead us to infant adoption; which aligned with many concerns that we had. It focuses on permanent placement, which is something we are desiring. It would help us preserve birth order, which we have learned is important. And it encourages openness in the process, for the benefit of the child.
With that confirmed, we started the application process last December. And there is a lot of paperwork. It has been a challenge to complete, and I know it has driven Jamie a bit crazy to keep up with, as it seems new documents keep popping up on our page. Thankfully that part is done.
We're now at a point where we have gone through the complete homestudy process and are waiting for our adoption specialist to finalize her report on the homestudy. We expect that to be completed by the end of June. At that point, we would be going live for adoption.
This means, at the end of June, we would be available as adoptive parents. We have put together a profile book and are working on a profile website that would be shown to expectant mothers. The expectant birth mother would look over several profiles and identify one she would want to meet. If we were chosen, we would meet with the birth mother, and she would get to ask us questions and get to know us, trying to decide if she wants to chose us to parent the child.
At that point, the decision is in the birth mother's hands. And we are in the waiting.
We could get chosen for a meeting as early as the beginning of the third trimester, which would give us a few months to get to know the birth mother and to prepare. We could be chosen by a mother at the hospital when she is about to or just completed delivering the child. We have to be ready and to trust in God's timing.
They say the average placement is one to three years, though it could be a month after or longer. We have heard from a few families where their placement was within six months.
It has been a very revealing process. It has challenged us as individuals and as a couple. We have learned things about ourselves that we had previously not known. There has been a lot of laughter and tears through the process. And it has exposed some insecurities. But, we've grown closer together and more united.
I would say, I would not recommend the process to anyone if they are not ready to go through a crucible. But as for us, we know it is completely the path and journey we are supposed to be on.
So, please keep us in your prayers. Within a month, we'll be in a waiting period, where everything could change in an instant.
I'll be sharing more of the process as we continue to move through it. And as promised, I'll shortly share the tale of what made our trip to Michigan such a stressful weekend.